Apparently I *AM* Chopped Liver

So, I'm not always the most social person.  A lot of time if I have nothing interesting to say, I just stay quiet and this is a trait that has bothered people all my life.  Because, as we know, people like to comment.  As a kid, I never knew what to say to these personal observances.   As an adult, I still don't know what to say.


"You sure are quiet!"  (what do I say to that? okay?)
"You sure don't say much."  (I could agree conditionally, because sometime I yammer on and on.  All depends on the person, the subject, the situation, etc.)
"Well, no one can complain that you talk too much."  (said by an older boy when I was a pre-teen.  Was that a criticism or a compliment?)


We arrive at today.  I have been trying to reconnect through FB with some family members that I stopped having regular contact with.  I invited them to play some fun word games that we could take our turns at leisure and there is a chat window to...well, chat.  All is well and good I thought.  sigh.  Predictably, since it's summer people have been out and about on vacations and so there are longer waits between turns.  No big deal.  But this is the little zinger I get this morning:


Relative One:  sorry to take so long, hopefully (Relative Two)  told you I was camping and out of service
Me:   no, I didn't know
Relative Two:     Hi there! Nice to have you back (Relative Two)! I didn't really think to chat while you were gone. Sorry


Wait, what?  "Didn't think to chat while you were gone."  Seriously?  Seriously??  Wow.  Okay.  What do I say to that?  


Sarcasm:  Sorry I'm not worthy of your conversation.
Guilt-trip:  I'm not so good with chatting lately, things have been kind of rough.  I'm a little down I guess.
Deflect with humor:  Is this thing on?  taptaptap
Passive Aggressive:  Welcome back, chatting just isn't fun without you.
Martyr:  I know I'm boring.
Honesty:  ouch...

Okay, Here is the wrap up and the ultimate question.  You can't control what other people say or do.  I get that, I accept that.  You can only control what you do.  Yep, got it, accept it.  But how do you make yourself not care?  I can let it roll off my shoulders, I can control the impulse to lash out.  I can't control the feelings that come up.  I can't make it not sting.  I can't make myself not care what my family members say or do.  In the end, I can only kick myself for thinking things will be different this time.  Ultimately, I know better...no matter how much hope springs eternal. 








I am pâté, thankyouverymuch.