Where's The Dog?

    When we were first married and living here, I would drive down the street which took me to my street on my way home from work, doing errands and what not.  Driving through a fairly boring but pleasant suburban area with older tract homes I began to notice one particular house with a yard on a corner.  Nothing special about the house and there was an ugly chain link fence around the front yard.  Not a big one, a short one and I began to take note of the happy black lab that was often in the yard. 
     He was happiest when his boys were out there playing with him, racing around and around as happy labs do.  I also began to notice two boys in the front yard, most often they were playing catch with a baseball.  There was a significant age difference, the older one looked like he was in high school, the younger one looked under 10y.o.  I would think, "What a cool older brother!"  Really, I saw them out there so often I began to look for them.  I began to look forward to catching a glimpse of the little scene that played out so often. 
      Just as often, I would see the happy lab not running around but waiting on the front steps waiting for his boys to come home.  And often the yard was just empty.  After a time, I realized that the yard was more empty than not.  And when the happy lab was there, he was usually alone, lounging around or sniffing or sleeping.  
    Suddenly, I began to see boys playing catch in the front yard again.  I was a little disappointed because they were two teenage boys and I thought "Well, I guess the older brother does need to interact with friends his own age.  I hope the younger brother doesn't feel left out."  The other thought was "Dang, the dog is looking old!"  I could see the white on it's muzzle as I drove by.   Then it dawned on me!  I am such a dork!  That was the YOUNGER brother in the yard playing catch with a friend his own age!  About 10 years had gone by and (duh!) the boys grew up.  The younger one was about the age of the older one when I first noticed them.  Had that much time really gone by so fast? 
     Again, the yard began to be empty more often than not and at a certain point I figured the boys were off to college and the doggy had lived out it's happy life.  Then lo and behold!  I saw the lab sitting on the front steps again.  Oh, he looked so old.  So much white all over his head and moving slow and creaky.  But it made me happy to catch a glimpse of "The Dog" as he was now known.  (My husband and I realized a couple of years into this that we were noticing the same thing separately and would comment on it when driving by together.)   Then I realized I had lived here 15 years and that was one old dog and time really does fly. 
     Driving down that road yesterday I noticed I still anticipate coming around that corner to check out that yard to see if anyone is there.  It has become habit, unconscious.  This time, for whatever reason, a voice in my head said "It's been twenty years, The Dog has died by now.  The boys are adults and don't live there anymore."  Again, I can't believe how much time has gone by.  How did it happen?  Where did it go?  Where was I when it went?  Sometimes I think about leaving a note on the chain link fence letting them how much their yard has been a part of my life and that I remember their dog and boys..... but I get to that point and realize it sounds a little creepy. 


So, I will keep driving by, and by habit, look to see if The Dog is out there today.

Boom

I live about 3 miles from the gas line explosion in San Bruno.  I could see the smoke (but not the fireball) from my driveway.  I am haunted by knowing all those people went through something unimaginable.  I wonder what would I have done?  Froze?  Panicked?  Think clearer than normal?  What would I have done with (fill in the blank)?  That pipeline, that old 1948 pipeline, that pipeline that PGE knows has serious issues, makes it way north from San Bruno,  It splits off from its route along Junipera Serra to drop down Avalon, cross El Camino (around SSF HS, I believe and my most, all time favorite place to go recently...Eggettes) and runs parallel to El Camino by the Kaiser and BART....I stopped looking at the map at that point.  We are bordered on three side by this aging pipeline that PGE has sent Memo's about.  The same pipeline that erupted with sudden violence and forced a neighborhood to flee while their skin blistered and burned and their house turned in to ashy piles of memories more often than not with a red brick finger of a chimney pointing at the empty sky.  I wrote on my Facebook status "Fear = the great equalizer" and people hijacked my posting and began to wax philosophical about fear and ignorance and prejudice and I wanted to say "blahblahblahblahblah".  No disrespect intended, impatience and frustration yes.  I had to make myself clear and said... I'm not talking about that kind of fear, I'm talking about the "Ohmygod, ohmygod, what do I do?!" life and death kind of fear.  Because no matter who you are, what you own, how much you make or how much you owe, who your parents are, what your religion, race or dress size is...when it comes down to real, honest to goodness FEAR  we are all equal and speaking the same language.  It's a terrible thing, fear.  Necessary, but terrible.  And in the end we are all just living organisms fighting to survive in this dangerous world.   The crushing truth is, some of use make it and some of us don't.  And that is weighing heavy on my heart these days.





Who's name is pulled from your gut and spoken aloud when you think you are going to die?